I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
