There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize