Umm I'm too high to move.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize