I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
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eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
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Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
we should paint friendship bongs
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