I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize