She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
