He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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