Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
