R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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