I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
