Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
