Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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