when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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