You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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