Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You can't special order awesome
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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