Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
