im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize