i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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