i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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