and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
