i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
