I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
