You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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