I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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