i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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