i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
