This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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