Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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