If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
