if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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