It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You ruined the universe
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
