I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize