They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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