Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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