Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
