dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
