that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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