guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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