I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
