i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
