Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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