Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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