cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
