She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
