Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
All I want is dick and wine.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize