so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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