Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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