i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
