I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
