I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
