i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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