i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
