I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
