I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
