Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
