i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
