He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
