I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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