can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
