I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
