she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
