No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
